... So is self-acceptance.
You see it everywhere these days.
"If you can't accept me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."
"You are good enough."
"Love yourself."
Yada yada....
What's wrong with such advice, you ask? Nothing, actually. It's just that people have misinterpreted it. And now you see people using this as an excuse to be jerks. Do unforgivable things. And act like they're entitled to be accepted for what they are. Who cares what the person on the receiving end is going through?
I am rude? No problem, there're people who'll accept me.
I'm mean? Don't care. My friends love me.
I'm judgemental? People love me!
I'm a jerk? Hey, this is me! Take it, or leave it!
It's one thing to be comfortable in your skin. Self-acceptance is an illusive creature and I'm all admiration for anyone who has managed to find it. But where do you draw the line?
When you measure your loved ones' affection for you based on how well they accept you, do you ever think of what you give in return? What you do to prove you love them back?
No. Because hey, if they really love me, they shouldn't have a problem with me being me, right?
But the problem is, we're all human. And we constantly change. So you can't be one thing forever. You'll evolve. Change. And this growth depends on the people around you too. Value feedback. By feedback I don't mean literally people handing in a filled up questionnaire to you. Look out for cues. So you said something mean. How do they react? If they're hurt, you definitely need to change or at least tone down the meanness. Because hey, if you really care for them, you'd rather put a smile on their face, right? And you'll change.
We shouldn't make a villain of change. It's the most natural thing. And by change, I don't mean you have to be a doormat and do everything people want you to. Exercise your judgement. Do trials and errors. Figure out if changing a certain aspect clashes with your core value system (and don't tell me self-absorption is a value, please).
Let's all try not to offer the one-solution-fits-all advice of "they should love you for what you are" to every person who comes to you for help with personal problems. In a world where clicking a selfie in a place of spiritual significance is considered 'normal', we need more self-critical people. And tough love.
Learn acceptance the right way. Actually, Learn acceptance. Of yourself. Of others.
Here's to a more enlightened us!
You see it everywhere these days.
"If you can't accept me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."
"You are good enough."
"Love yourself."
Yada yada....
What's wrong with such advice, you ask? Nothing, actually. It's just that people have misinterpreted it. And now you see people using this as an excuse to be jerks. Do unforgivable things. And act like they're entitled to be accepted for what they are. Who cares what the person on the receiving end is going through?
I am rude? No problem, there're people who'll accept me.
I'm mean? Don't care. My friends love me.
I'm judgemental? People love me!
I'm a jerk? Hey, this is me! Take it, or leave it!
It's one thing to be comfortable in your skin. Self-acceptance is an illusive creature and I'm all admiration for anyone who has managed to find it. But where do you draw the line?
When you measure your loved ones' affection for you based on how well they accept you, do you ever think of what you give in return? What you do to prove you love them back?
No. Because hey, if they really love me, they shouldn't have a problem with me being me, right?
But the problem is, we're all human. And we constantly change. So you can't be one thing forever. You'll evolve. Change. And this growth depends on the people around you too. Value feedback. By feedback I don't mean literally people handing in a filled up questionnaire to you. Look out for cues. So you said something mean. How do they react? If they're hurt, you definitely need to change or at least tone down the meanness. Because hey, if you really care for them, you'd rather put a smile on their face, right? And you'll change.
We shouldn't make a villain of change. It's the most natural thing. And by change, I don't mean you have to be a doormat and do everything people want you to. Exercise your judgement. Do trials and errors. Figure out if changing a certain aspect clashes with your core value system (and don't tell me self-absorption is a value, please).
Let's all try not to offer the one-solution-fits-all advice of "they should love you for what you are" to every person who comes to you for help with personal problems. In a world where clicking a selfie in a place of spiritual significance is considered 'normal', we need more self-critical people. And tough love.
Learn acceptance the right way. Actually, Learn acceptance. Of yourself. Of others.
Here's to a more enlightened us!
Comments
Post a Comment